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| | JOKES
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A
Queensland
bush bloke goes to a chemist shop and says
to
the pharmacist:
'I
got a hot date tonight, an' I need me some potection. How much is a pack a'
them rubbers gonna cost me?'
The
pharmacist responds: 'A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.'
'TACKS!'
the shocked bloke says. 'Gawd a'mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?'
A
small
boy
says
to
his
father
"Dad,
what's
the
difference
between
'theoretically'
and
'realistically'?"
His
dad
thinks
and
then
says
"Right-ho
son,
go
and
ask
your
mother
if
she'd
sleep
with
Brad
Pitt
for
a
million
quid."
The
boy
toddles
off
and
comes
back
saying
"Dad,
dad,
she
said
she
would!
She
would
sleep
with
Brad
Pitt
for
a
million
pounds."
"OK
son,"
says
his
dad.
"Now
go
and
ask
your
sister
the
same
question."
The
boy
toddles
off,
and
comes
back
saying
"Dad,
dad,
she
said
she
would
too!"
So
then
his
dad
says
"Right,
son,
now
go
and
ask
your
brother
if
he'd
sleep
with
Brad
Pitt
for
a
million
pounds."
The
son
comes
back
excitedly
saying
"Dad!
Dad!
He
said
he
would
too!"
"Well
there
you
have
it,
son,"
said
his
dad.
Theoretically
we
could
be
sitting
on
three
million
quid.
Realistically
we're
living
with
two
tarts
and
a
poof."
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Life is sexually transmitted.
"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."
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Morning
Sex
She
was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled
eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T'-shirt that
she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she
turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to
me this very moment!"
My
eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to
lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right
there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards
she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her
T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy,
but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all
about?"
She
explained, "The egg timer's broken."
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Four
guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.
Two
days before the group is to leave, Ronny's wife
puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ronny's mates are very upset that he can't go, but
what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ronny's
sitting there with a tent set up,
firewood
gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Shit Ronny, how long you been here, and how
did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was
sitting in my chair and my wife
came
up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"
I
pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She
took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.. The room had candles and rose
petals all over.
On
the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the
bed, and I did.
And
then she said, "Do whatever you want."
Always
Remember This:
You
don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You
grow old because you stop laughing!!!
'n DANCING ! !
Remember if you have any
JOKES let me know ...  ..
Put " Hi John " in
Subject Line or it goes to Junk
 
 
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